No Idea
by henderlover
Summary: Sworn to secrecy, Logan struggles with keeping his relationship with his best friend and bandmate, James, alive. Meanwhile, James refuses to let their love go public, let alone his sexuality. How long will Logan last under so much pressure and frustration before he lets James go?


This is a collab I'm going to be doing with Camperkid18, who will post it on her profile too. We'll be doing an every-other chapter kind of thing, so the authors will switch every chapter.

So here's to the first installment of _No_ _Idea_, cheers!  
-henderlover

* * *

Confused.

There were a couple of things that confused Logan about James—_okay_, more like, a _lot_ of things.

Like how James came late to the studio for work nearly everyday because he spent twenty minutes in the morning on his hair alone. Yet somehow Logan loved the feeling of butterflies flying against his ribcage as Kendall, Carlos and he awaited James' arrival.

There was also the fact that James had more than a _few_ questionable moments—where you wondered whether or not he actually cared about you, like the time he ditched hanging out with Logan to fix his lucky comb, which he had sat on and snapped in half by accident.

James cared about himself, _a lot._

But there were things about James that Logan undeniably loved. There were definitely more things that he liked than things he didn't. For one, James (although obsessed with himself) genuinely loved his three closest friends—Logan, Kendall and Carlos. They were his family. The four had grown up together and made it big time in Los Angeles as Big Time Rush.

Thousands of fans came to see them as they rocked the great stages across the nation—some spots all over the world. They played for thousands at a time; they loved what they did.

James and Logan got along well throughout the process as they shared the same fiery determination to make it as musicians.

It's the same determination that got James to pass his algebra class in the sixth grade; the same determination that Logan had to _help_ James pass the class.

The same determination is what Logan loved about James.

What had him _fall_ in love with James.

There were many times growing up where Logan and James were alone—doing homework or playing video games, where Logan had stopped everything he was doing to really look at his best friend. He often questioned himself, like why in the hell did he get nervous before James came over? And why did he find James so beautiful with the pure Minnesota snow resting in his hair and perfect, long eyelashes?

It had taken a while, but the two were put to the test one late night during the 'Better With U' tour on their shared tourbus.

Logan had just gotten out of the shower in the small bathroom on the bus when it all started.

Apparently James had been feeling it all too; all of the lust and growing love for his best friend, which only made it easier for it all to start. As soon as the four got to Los Angeles a few years back, Logan made less of an effort to hide his red cheeks every time James made him laugh, and sure as heck didn't hold back any compliments, especially when James had his favorite skinny jeans on. Logan was just too thick to realize that James was reacting to Logan's dropped hints—his head was way too far up his ass to even think that James would come anywhere close to liking Logan in _that_ way.

That one night after a show on the bus though, just after the boys and a couple of girls they had met had gotten through a long game of strip poker, Logan had apparently pushed James a little too far. It was no accident—for the first time he had noticed the signs, the blown pupils, the flustered expression on James' face. To say Logan had taken advantage of it, like any nineteen-year-old guy would do, was a huge understatement.

After the girls left and Kendall and Carlos had returned to their bus, Logan had gotten into the shower satisfied—he had felt empowered since minutes earlier.

He finished his shower and wrapped a towel loosely around his waist after scrubbing it roughly through his hair to dry off. He hummed as he brushed his teeth, the bristles of the toothbrush tickling his tongue. He felt the bus engine start below him, meaning the band was about to start the journey to their next venue. That's when it happened. He had opened and stepped out of the door to the bathroom when he was pinned against the wall in the tight space leading to the bunks.

"Jesus—" Logan yelped quickly before a hand was clapped harshly against his mouth, nearly crushing his jaw.

"Shh," James pushed his hard body against Logan's so that he was sandwiched in between James and the wall. "Don't say anything," James locked his eyes on Logan's, waiting for the familiar, sincere and promising look Logan gave frequently. The one James knew he could always trust. Once James saw the look in the shorter boy's eyes, he slowly lowered his hand from Logan's face.

"James what—" Logan whispered before James's lips were pressed against his, shutting him up for the second time. Only this time, it was a lot less harsh, and a lot more pillowy and perfect. James worked at his best friend's lips, until Logan finally snapped out of it and realized that he was being kissed. He kissed back for all it was worth—enjoying every second of what he had been waiting years for.

James pulled away, expressionless, scaring Logan. There were very few times where Logan was afraid of James, feared what was to come next with the kid.

Logan cherished that night in his memories—thinking back to it from time to time.

The first time they put everything out on the line—the first time they expressed their feelings for each other.

That was the other thing Logan loved about James—they could always communicate. They had a connection that neither had with Kendall or Carlos. Sleeping together that night had only sealed the connection, just like Logan had been dreaming of.

Logan felt like he was on top of the world after the two finally collapsed in his bunk, tangled in a sweaty and heavy-breathing mess. For once in a long time he felt loved, appreciated. It was in a different way than the way his parents and family loved him, _definitely_ a different way from what the fans felt towards him.

Call it moving too fast, but Logan felt like James was his _soulmate_. He had always thought they would be perfect together—and _now_ that they had finally been together for that moment, his hopes and dreams were quickly becoming realities.

But there was just one last thing that confused Logan about James: the next morning, after 'that night on the tourbus.'

Things _had been_ going smoothly, Logan had woken up in James' big, muscular arms.  
"Goodmorning, beautiful," James murmured into Logan's hair. Logan slowly made his way out of the bunk knowing they had to head out to eat breakfast with their crew soon.

Logan and James threw playful and somewhat loving looks at each other while getting dress, neither addressing what had happened the night before.

"You even look good in sweats," Logan remarked after bending over to tie his shoelaces.

"I look good in everything," James shrugged, pulling his lucky plain white v-neck on.

"_You're welcome_," Logan rolled his eyes. _Well, there's the old James again._

They walked to the front of the tourbus, Logan behind James, before they stopped together abruptly. James turned to face Logan, face cold and empty before saying, "one last time."

He leaned down and kissed Logan, who was kind of stunned at what James had just said.

"What do you mean _one last time_?" Logan felt his heart cracking slowly but surely, panic sinking in.

Now, here comes the confusion.

"Oh," James shrugged as he led them down the steps and off the bus, walking two steps ahead of Logan. "No one can know about what happened."

And with that, James left Logan behind without a single glance.

Logan stood still, duped. _Had he just been used for sex? Had James lied just to get rid of sexual frustration?_ It couldn't have been. Everything that had happened until then had been so_ real. _Logan started to tear up.

Confused.

That's what he was.


End file.
